There comes a point in our lives when we can no longer run, hide, or evade our unresolved emotions. It’s like reaching a crossroads where our areas for improvement and shortcomings become too apparent to ignore. It’s in these moments that we must embrace emotional maturity and embark on an essential emotional revision. I know it’s not easy to face, but trust me, the potential for growth that lies ahead is tremendous. It takes tremendous courage to do the necessary work and dig deep to uncover what’s been lurking beneath the surface all this time.

I find that visual analogies can be incredibly powerful in understanding and visualizing complex concepts. So let me share one with you that I believe will resonate. Imagine yourself being born into a beautiful house with a backyard that’s gorgeous, safe, and sacred. As you grow, that backyard becomes your haven, a place where you find solace, joy, and inner peace. It’s where you bury your concerns and traumas, healing your emotional pain by burying them deep within the soil. It becomes a habit that continues throughout your childhood, adolescence, and young adult life, resulting in a buildup of emotional toxicity. At first, there’s plenty of space, but as time goes on, the garden becomes overcrowded, and any attempt to dig only reveals old toxic waste.

Not only does this overcrowding leave no room for new challenges, but the old problems keep resurfacing, making it difficult to invite others into this emotionally cluttered space. And even if you do let someone in, it becomes exhausting, as you have to be constantly on guard, fearing they might uncover the buried toxicity. That’s when you realize that you can no longer keep burying and hiding your emotional toxic waste. It’s a twofold realization. On one hand, you acknowledge that disposing of your unresolved issues in this way is no longer sustainable. On the other hand, you understand the importance of addressing what’s buried. You realize that if you want a safe haven for yourself and your loved ones, you need to dig out and resolve what’s hidden. It’s a painful process, but it holds immense potential for personal growth.

Uncovering old hurts and pains can be uncomfortable, draining, and may even seem unnecessary. From a young age, we’re taught to avoid these experiences. Parents often try everything to stop their children from crying and make them forget about their sources of discontentment, rather than viewing them as opportunities for growth. This avoidance becomes the norm, the accepted way of dealing with emotions. Stepping outside this norm is often met with disapproval, criticism, and sometimes even ostracism. The truth is, dealing with our emotions is rarely encouraged, expected, or celebrated, and it often only happens when we’re faced with a crisis.

But even in those moments of crisis, the temptation to escape and avoid persists. We may have been aware of our emotional garden for a while, knowing the problem exists, but we’ve adopted various coping mechanisms to avoid confronting it. We try to find other gardens or run away from them altogether. However, the truth is that this emotional garden is not an external place—it resides within us. No matter where we go, it follows us. There’s no avoiding it, no matter how toxic it becomes. It’s our home, the place where we live, our personal space. And that’s why, as Brene Brown beautifully puts it, “When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can rewrite a brave new ending.”

So my friend, embrace this journey of self-discovery. Embrace the discomfort, the challenges, and the necessary excavation. You have the strength within you to face what’s buried and rewrite your story.